On Jan 10, 1:16*am, "
wrote:
*SNIP of a rare combination of pizzle and tripe*

THIS IS THE ROAD TO
PARADISE. Let's stay in touch! Assalamu Alaikum!
*DEREK: O.K. Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu

OK man, I'm feeling your pain. *While we are talking about finding the
tears of truth, here's some for you.

- Gorilla glue only sticks well to thinkgs you don't want it to; it
doesn't expand to fill the voids unless it pushes your work apart or
foams out stuff that a belt sander can't remove

*SOB*

- $3 a gallon for gas is honestly killing me. *For the first time in
the history of my company I am now forced to charge for repair
estimates

*SOB*

- 24 isn't on TV this year. *With Frontline in the toilet, what's that
point of television?

*SOB*

- Put on 6 pounds over the holidays *WTF happened there? *The only
"truth" here is that I think I ate too much product from my new
smokers

*SOB*

- My favorite bourbon (Ezra Williams) continues to go up and up. *Even
club soda has gone up... *but the truth is I don't drink much anymore
so this may not be all that important. *But anyway -

*SOB*

- I only got 57,500 miles out of my 60,000 mile rated tires. *Where
was the truth then? *Talk about learning a life lesson...

*SOB*

- The truth is that I found that my teeth aren't much whiter than
before when I used the new super powered Colgate that has every
whitener, freshner, and flouride additive in it. *Talk about a drag.
I gave it the benefit of using full tube, too, just like the ad said.
(You were supposed to use it all at once, right?) Liars!

*SOB*

- Claims/lies about removing static cling. *Jeez.. don't get me going
on this one. *Like a good constuction worker, all my clothes are
cotton. *Since they have all been washed about 1,000 times, I wash
everything together and no matter what softener I use, my clothes
still crackle and stick together

*SOB*

- I just bought a pile of Bosch jig saw blades (150!) from a jobber
that must have been sharpened on a concrete curb and the teeth set
with a brick. *They are worth slightly more than I paid for them, but
that may be my ego talking here and not my brain. *I think my tears of
truth are that I made a bad purchase thinking I was getting "a deal"

*SOB*

- I almost had some real tears in my eyes when I found another truth
out on the job last week. *It was really cold, and I was loading 5's
of roofing mastic in my truck. *One slipped out of my freezing
hands... it landed on my foot at the web of my toes... *talk about
finding truth, seeing the Big Guy, experiencing flashing colors in my
vision... not to mention breaking my resolution to keep from swearing
so much. *Of course the last part happened when I could actually
breathe again

*SOB*

- I ran across an old wood glue test that pitted Elmers white glue,
Elmer's yellow carpenter's glue, Titebond (original), and another
yellow glue like Weldbond. *I hope you are sitting down as this one
will hurt. *Elmer's white performed almost exactly as the others.
That hurt... real tears... I mean really, what is the point of being a
professional if you can't snort that you only use Titebond 2? *You are
reduced to an elementary school kid if his glue holds as well as
yours. *Bet your bones are rattling now, right? *I stayed in bed for a
week...

*SOB*

- Makita NMHi drill batteries don't last like they should. *I found
this truth out over a period of about a month of trying to figure out
when I could actually use the damn thing

*SOB*

- Plywood is getting thinner, again.

*SOB*

- Just about every damn band or artist I listened to in the 60's and
70's sound like crap now. *I guess a constant life of heavy abuse of
drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and unlimited sex IS bad for you. *It's
heartbreaking.

All these years I thought those guys were lucky. *(OK, face it, they
WERE lucky - they were probably getting home about the time we were
all taking a mid morning cig break)

*SOB*

- I ruined a really nice watch a few months ago, and re-learned the
painful lesson of water resistance versus water proof. *What in the
hell is the good of "water resistant to 3M"? *How do we know how much
the watch resisted? *Mine was dead and couldn't tell me, but I don't
think he resisted much... he was kinda old... maybe he just gave up...

*SOB*

I could go on, but I won't. *It's too painful, kinda like beign on
Oprah. *I hope others will share their tears as well.

Robert

Only one way to comment...."Farking hilarious!"
*tears* for real!

r