*SNIP of a rare combination of pizzle and tripe*


THIS IS THE ROAD TO
PARADISE. Let's stay in touch! Assalamu Alaikum!
*DEREK: O.K. Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu

OK man, I'm feeling your pain. While we are talking about finding the
tears of truth, here's some for you.

- Gorilla glue only sticks well to thinkgs you don't want it to; it
doesn't expand to fill the voids unless it pushes your work apart or
foams out stuff that a belt sander can't remove

*SOB*

- $3 a gallon for gas is honestly killing me. For the first time in
the history of my company I am now forced to charge for repair
estimates

*SOB*

- 24 isn't on TV this year. With Frontline in the toilet, what's that
point of television?

*SOB*

- Put on 6 pounds over the holidays WTF happened there? The only
"truth" here is that I think I ate too much product from my new
smokers

*SOB*

- My favorite bourbon (Ezra Williams) continues to go up and up. Even
club soda has gone up... but the truth is I don't drink much anymore
so this may not be all that important. But anyway -

*SOB*

- I only got 57,500 miles out of my 60,000 mile rated tires. Where
was the truth then? Talk about learning a life lesson...

*SOB*

- The truth is that I found that my teeth aren't much whiter than
before when I used the new super powered Colgate that has every
whitener, freshner, and flouride additive in it. Talk about a drag.
I gave it the benefit of using full tube, too, just like the ad said.
(You were supposed to use it all at once, right?) Liars!

*SOB*

- Claims/lies about removing static cling. Jeez.. don't get me going
on this one. Like a good constuction worker, all my clothes are
cotton. Since they have all been washed about 1,000 times, I wash
everything together and no matter what softener I use, my clothes
still crackle and stick together

*SOB*

- I just bought a pile of Bosch jig saw blades (150!) from a jobber
that must have been sharpened on a concrete curb and the teeth set
with a brick. They are worth slightly more than I paid for them, but
that may be my ego talking here and not my brain. I think my tears of
truth are that I made a bad purchase thinking I was getting "a deal"

*SOB*

- I almost had some real tears in my eyes when I found another truth
out on the job last week. It was really cold, and I was loading 5's
of roofing mastic in my truck. One slipped out of my freezing
hands... it landed on my foot at the web of my toes... talk about
finding truth, seeing the Big Guy, experiencing flashing colors in my
vision... not to mention breaking my resolution to keep from swearing
so much. Of course the last part happened when I could actually
breathe again

*SOB*

- I ran across an old wood glue test that pitted Elmers white glue,
Elmer's yellow carpenter's glue, Titebond (original), and another
yellow glue like Weldbond. I hope you are sitting down as this one
will hurt. Elmer's white performed almost exactly as the others.
That hurt... real tears... I mean really, what is the point of being a
professional if you can't snort that you only use Titebond 2? You are
reduced to an elementary school kid if his glue holds as well as
yours. Bet your bones are rattling now, right? I stayed in bed for a
week...

*SOB*

- Makita NMHi drill batteries don't last like they should. I found
this truth out over a period of about a month of trying to figure out
when I could actually use the damn thing

*SOB*

- Plywood is getting thinner, again.

*SOB*

- Just about every damn band or artist I listened to in the 60's and
70's sound like crap now. I guess a constant life of heavy abuse of
drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and unlimited sex IS bad for you. It's
heartbreaking.

All these years I thought those guys were lucky. (OK, face it, they
WERE lucky - they were probably getting home about the time we were
all taking a mid morning cig break)

*SOB*

- I ruined a really nice watch a few months ago, and re-learned the
painful lesson of water resistance versus water proof. What in the
hell is the good of "water resistant to 3M"? How do we know how much
the watch resisted? Mine was dead and couldn't tell me, but I don't
think he resisted much... he was kinda old... maybe he just gave up...

*SOB*

I could go on, but I won't. It's too painful, kinda like beign on
Oprah. I hope others will share their tears as well.

Robert