Wow. David Letterman should call you during the writer's strike. You're
ball-slappin' funny...



wrote in message
...
The 12 steps of Surviving a House Fire

You wake up in the middle of the night and your smoke detector is
blasting. The house is full of smoke and you can see a ball of fire
down the hallway. Follow the following procedure exactly in numerical
order.

1. If your computer is near the flames, move it to another part of the
home that is not burning. Plug it in, and connect the internet
cables.

2. Turn the computer on.

3. While the computer is booting, change the battery in your smoke
detector. (If your using Windows Vista, change the batteries in ALL
smoke detectors in the home, by the time you finish, Vista should
almost be booted).

4. Post a usenet message to alt.firefighters. Tell them your address,
city state and zip. Be sure to describe the fire in detail.

5. Post a message to alt.home.repair, explaining the fire in detail
and asking them how to repair the house after the fire is out.

6. Use google and search the web to find web pages that explain fire
prevention". Read several of them to determine what caused the "fire.

7. Get your fire extinguisher. Send a message to alt.firefighters,
asking how to use the extinguisher.

8. While waiting for a reply, wake up anyone else in the house and
allow them a few minutes to check their email. Then tell them to
leave the house.

9. Send an email to your gas company and electric company asking them
to disconnect your sevice ASAP.

10. If after ten minutes you do not get a reply from alt.firefighters,
call 911, or send an email to your local Fire Department.

11. Unplug your computer and take it outside after packing it in it's
original factory cartons. Be sure to take your laptop.

12. Go outdoors, flip on your laptop computer and watch
alt.firefighters for replies while roasting marshmallows on your
house.


Jeff