"Man at B&Q" wrote in message
...
On Dec 13, 2:49 am, wrote:
English is a little trouble for me .so ,there are maybe some errors in
my writting.

If you need to ask the time of a policeman use "Have you got the time,
pig?"

If you see a beautiful lady wlaking down the street and wish to
introduce yourself "Hello, will you shag me?" is the best opening
line. It's guaranteed to produce results.

A good joke to break the ice if you meet a Cockney at a party "Hello
mate, last week I shagged your trouble and strife". He will
immediately identify you as a soulmate and buy you beer for the rest
of the night.

In 1990 I was working in France in a team doing consultancy at a tractor
manufacturing plant. Most of us were Brits but they also brought in a French
guy. He was in his mid 40s I'm guessing and had learned his English, which
was pretty good, at school in the 50s and 60s. Some of it was a bit dated
like he'd say "Good morning old man" at breakfast. One day when the two of
us were alone I pointed out that this was fine but not really current
parlance. He asked me what he ought to be saying and on the spur of the
moment, and managing to keep a straight face, I told him that the current
expression was "good morning old ******".

Much hilarity ensued as for the next few days he said this faithfully to
everyone he met including the head of the audit department when he flew in
to see how we were getting on. There were some fairly startled expressions
but everyone was too polite to say anything about it so he just carried on.
Eventually I took pity on him and explained that ****** was branleur in
French. I think he saw the funny side of it in the end but it took a while

--
Dave Baker - Puma Race Engines