On Tue, 4 Dec 2007 14:51:13 -0800 (PST), Bitstreams
wrote:

The beams in my cottage have been "painted" with a dark brown
substance that looks like something from those stop smoking adverts
twenty years ago. It's not quite gloss paint (though it is glossy) -
where the Neanderthal who applied it has gone over white lighting
flex, it looks a bit like thickly spread marmite.
I'd like to remove it and get the beams looking a little healthier.

What can I try ?

Your best bet might be to try chemical paint remover (Nitromors or
similar) and steel wool or a wire brush.
Obviously you'll want to replace the lighting flex :-)

--
Frank Erskine