On Tue, 11 May 2004 16:12:51 GMT, John Husvar
brought forth from the murky depths:
Why wrote:
13 to decry the use of "made in china" light bulbs.
Well no wonder the damn blub burned out....
Light bulbs do not burn out: They fill up.
This is because they do not emit light.
Light bulb is a misnomer. They are really dark absorbers. Once they have
absorbed all the dark they can they appear dark, naturally. They're full
after all.
They then must be replaced with new, empty ones since they cannot just
be emptied and put back into service.
Here's the true story, John:
--snip--
The Dark Sucker Theory
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but
recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit
light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The
Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark
has mass and is heavier than light.
First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck
dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There
is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger
the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers
in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the
ones in this room.
So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are
full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot
on a full Dark Sucker. The dark which has been absorbed is then
transmitted by pylons along to power plants where the machinery uses
fossil fuel to destroy it.
A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick.
You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black,
representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a
pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black.
This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.
One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their
limited range.
There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle
all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit.
When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or
replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the
mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark
Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into
a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great
amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating
candle.
This is easily proven for lightbulbs too. When you compress a gas, it
gets hot, right? So the light bulb gets hot because of all the dark
being squished into the wires.
Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the
surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to
slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and
darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This
is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the
lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.
Dark Suckers are only able to suck dark in a straight line. Dark,
because of its mass, will not penetrate solid, opaque objects as it is
being sucked by a Dark Sucker. When a Dark Sucker is operating, you
will notice that dark that is behind a solid, opaque object does not
flow through the object or around it to the Dark Sucker. Some of the
dark will accumulate on the side of the object away from the Dark
Sucker as the Dark Sucker attempts to pull it through the object.
These residual patches of dark are often referred to as `shadows.'
Some surfaces are able to function as secondary Dark Suckers by
sucking the dark from behind solid objects at an angle and then
rerouting it to the primary Dark Sucker. These surfaces have a
property we refer to as `reflective.'
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to
stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly
opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the
closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the
dark leave the closet.
So next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is not a light
emitter but a Dark Sucker.
--snip--
Gathered from some BBS within the last decade or two.
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