On Tue, 10 Jul 2007 04:31:16 -0000, "
wrote:
My name is Deandre Sharpe, I live in Dearborn, MI. I am writing this
message to promote and hopefully recruit myself. I am a aspiring
DPB is right about spelling errors and writing style. It's harder to
proofread one's own stuff, so maybe get someone who you know writes
well to do so. Those at alt.english.usage will sometimes proofread
people's stuff, but sometimes no one wants to. I haven't figured out
exactly what makes the difference.
You don't want to recruit yourself. People recruit *other* people.
an aspiring, not a aspiring.
apprentice electrician, who has completed a four year electrical
aprenticeship program and a two year vocational program in electrical
construction. I have two years hands on experience. I have been
These are the most important three lines.
When used as adjectives, as they are here, it's four-year, two-year,
and hands-on. The last sentence requires a possessive form, "I
have two years' hands-on experience." or better yet, "two years of
hands-on experience". No hyphen between two and years in either of
these.
looking to educate myself and push the boundries of my knowledge to
excel in this career. I understand that there is plenty of growth in
this trade although it seems like it's much harder to actually get
in.
This sentence is ok in a post here asking for help, but not good if
writing to a prospective employer. A) you're complaining, and B) I
suspect everyone in the trade knows it's hard to get started. IMO,
just leave it out.
IMO, the sentence before it isn't so good either, because it's so much
like advertising, "push the boundaries", and I suspect it doesn't
appeal very much to employer. How about just "I'm looking to learn and
to excel in my career."
If there are any positions available for an excellent electrical
apprentice with any organization in any state, PLEASE, do not hesitate
to contact me. I would gladly join your team. By hiring me as a
apprentice
an apprentice.
there are tax breaks which you would receive and you would
also aquire a motivated person, a excellent listener, a quick learner
acquire, an excellent, You use "an" before a vowel, or a consonant
that sounds like a vowel (like: an honest person), but not before a
vowel that sounds like a consonant (like: a union).
egar to work anytime. Is there anyone otu there who can help me. my
eager, out. Needs a question mark after the question.
I know that most people, including me, don't edit Usenet or even email
as carefully as they could, but you're looking for a job. And a
spell=-checker helps, but leaves errors in which the word is correctly
spelled but it's the wrong word. Like a and an.
e-mail address is Thank you in advance for
your help.
You should have divided the text into at least 4 paragraphs, making
the breaks where you change topics, where you change at least a little
bit. I say that mostly because it's very hard to read a big block of
text. Just looking at it is hard for many people. It's also hard to
go back and find a line again if one wants to.
Alaska had a lot of job opportunities for a long time, especially in
trades, but I don't know one way or another about now.
(One summer I got two postcards from different friends, who didn't
know each other, who both went to Alaska on vacation, and both said
there were lots of jobs for me there.)
P&M, but most people on usenet don't want to email replies. I hope
you're reading the group for replies.