snip
Yeah, I already know that trick. Normally most folks I know get a
broom handle and cut it to length. It works great, except on the rare
occasion when the sliding door is on the outside and the fixed glass
section is on the inside.

Unfortunately, that's the case at my house. However, someone playing
a prank could use the same technique to lock us in ;-)
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Why does it sound like your sliding door is assembled "inside out"?
Can you dissasemble the door and put the slider on the inside track
where it (usually) belongs?

If it's the typical slider, it was assembled onsite, so it should be
able to be disassembled and "fixed" onsite as well.

HTH,
Mark