Thank you all for the helpful advice. I was planning on calling a
burglar alarm company on Monday.

But before I did that, I wanted your suggestions and there have been a
lot of good ones, some that might involve the company and many that
won't.

(They have an alarm already, I don't know the brand, but add-ons
could be any brand, or they could go to their company and I'd pay for
that, (see below).)

On Sun, 29 Jan 2006 10:38:41 -0500, Bob G.
wrote:
You are a nice guy....

I am, but that's not the whole story.

This is as good a place as any to give more details, for any who might
be interested.

You are willing to "contribute" your money to allow your neighbors
child to play without supervision...rather then let your neighbor
build a "fort" and make you feel like you are in prison...

Honestly I would just say no... tell them the honest truth.. that you
would feel fences in.. and drop the ball back into thier court... .

The husband, with whom I talk regularly, approached me almost shyly,
months ago, and said somethign about a taller fence, and when I said
something like "no one goes back there...and: I didn't think a tall
fence was a good idea" he backed off and hasn't said another word. So
far, it's not like they are forcing this on me.

And indeed, I would have to sign a permission slip.

Unless the president (for life) of the HOA decides to violate the
rules (or "to make new rules" as it is said, both in Congress and
everywhere else.)

I feel like your neighbor should respect your feelings NOT the other
way around...

So far they have, but a) I would like to see the kid be able to spend
more time outside. When I was her age, I wanted to watch tv all day
Saturday, and my mother insisted that I spend an hour outside every
Saturday. It was good for me. And it's probably one of the reasons
I've spend so much time outside in the rest of my life. In addition
to play period twice a day once I started school. (I hear the schools
don't have play period anymore, and that they start teaching them to
read at 4 or 5 instead of 6 like it was in the 50's.

b) I don't want them angry at me, even if I'm right. There are so many
ways for people to retaliate (or some word weaker than retaliate), as
little as promising to take the advertising out of my fence (I have a
fence also.) and then not doing that well, and a burglar will realize
I'm not home (and my alarm has to be replaced at the moment.) Or
playing their radio loud (which normally I can't hear at all.) Or
refusing to sign permission for me when I want to enlarge my deck or
put something underneath it. Or replacing his roof or putting on
siding without consulting me. (We already did the roof together, got
a better price for two houses, and chose the same color. It worked out
well.) Or someone comes to visit me and I'm not home yet, not
inviting them in to wait or use the bathroom. The difference between
being friends and being enemies, and all the spots in between.

c) I really am willing to spend the 150, but the odds are I wouldn't
have to spend anything. It's a lot easier to suggest gifts I'm
willing to give them than to suggest money that they should spend.

"Why don't you buy this. Why don't you buy that. and that and that"
and one or both of them will be thinking, Why don't you let us put up
our fence when that would solve everything?". That's not a good
scenario. Instead, I can say, "How about I buy you this? How about
I buy you that, and that and that." At least they will listen. They
may decide my suggestions are good enough, especially some of them
(Come to think of it, that makes even the ideas offerred here that
don't really work in this particular case as valuable as the ones that
might work, because they show I've been putting effort into this.
And then they may pick one of your suggestions -- their choice -- and
I'd be surprised if they let me pay a thing. And we'll all have what
we want.

d) The woman was the original owner of the house, when she was
single, and she did show me respect. My mother lived a couple miles
from here, and she was old when she died, but the combination of her
death and more importantly things related to it left me depressed for
a couple years. I mowed my lawn maybe once or twice a summer and it
looked terrible. I didn't repair the fence after some teenager
damaged it. During this same time, she tried to sell her house and I
wouldn't be surprised if my lawn and my fence were the reason it
didn't sell. But she never said a word. When I recovered, and
cleaned the place up, and went to her to apologize for being a bad
neighbor, she didn't say an unkind word, she didn't say a word about
the difficulties of selling her house, and she only expressed
sympathy, concern, and encouragement (all in one or two sentences.).

During my depressoin, I didn't read my mail. I didn't miss much, --
an awful lot of junk mail -- except that I was routinely late on my
utility bills, and got my phone cut off more than once, and my
electiricity once.. Some time after the depression, after I mowed the
lawn, and fixed the fence, etc. I set to processing all the unread
mail, stored in cartons by now. Three or four of them were addressed
to her address and after she got them from me, only then did she get
angry. They were rsvp's for her wedding. She said that when she
didn't get rsvp's, she called the people, and that there was enough
food and place settings for everyone, but she was still angry. I
hear women are very tense when planning their weddings. Different
things make different people angry. But she said the wedding did turn
out well, and everyone who planned to, attended.

Now her husband moved into her house, and because of the high tranfer
taxes etc, it was maybe financially a good thing that she hadn't sold
the house. (Well, also depending on where she had wanted to move to.)

So like most things this is pretty complicated, and I'm more concerned
about gettting a good result than standing on my rights. And even if
one just weighs rights, who's to say that I don't still owe her?


Bob G.

On Sat, 28 Jan 2006 22:46:34 -0500, mm
wrote:

Any good ideas on how to signal the person inside when someone comes
into their backyard? It has a 3 1/2 foot fence around it, with gate
that latches or can be locked with a padlock.

I have a townhouse and the people next door want to build a six-foot
fence around their back yard, so their 4 year old daughter can play
alone or with her sister in the backyard.

They need my signature to build the taller fence, but I would rather
pay for something, up to maybe 150 dollars, if you guys can tell me
what would work well.

Or any other helpful suggestions to keep them from being angry at me.

I don't want a 6 foot fence next to my yard -- it would be like
living in a prison -- especially since

a) mothers tell me a little girl shouldn't be left alone anyhow
b) she's in day care, and later will be in school five days a week.
c) she's gone all day sunday every sunday.
d) stranger kidnappings are very rare (although there was one last
summer somewhere within 50 miles of our house.
e) She get older, or they will move, and I'll be stuck with that
fencer.
f) No one ever goes behind our houses (a row of 8 townhouses) except
homeowners to get their lawn mowers from their back lawns to their
front, and the cable guy, when someone makes changes in their cable
service. There is no housing behind our houses, only woods, a
stream, woods and a street 150 feet away.


Remove NOPSAM to email me. Please let
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Remove NOPSAM to email me. Please let
me know if you have posted also.