No such thing as a perfectly balanced reciprocating mass.
Well, besides that buttered toast strapped onto a
cats ass theory.

You've got it wrong about describing the cat/toast theory. If the
toast is strapped to the cat's ass the cat will end up sitting down
with all four feet on the ground. For perfect balance and levitation
the toast must be strapped to the cat's back. Don't make the mistake
of strapping the buttered side against the cat.

All of this theorizing is complete bunk, and you all know it.
Any and all cats are surrounded by an aura of loose cat hair,
just waiting for something, preferably food, to stick to. And
once there's cat hair on the buttered toast, all it's floor seeking
properties are cancelled as redundant. So you've doomed the
experiment as soon as you've gotten the toast anywhere near
the cat...nevermind strapped it down.
--Glenn Lyford