DIYbanter - OT-Humor, Quotable Cops

The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the
country.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

and the best one . . . . .

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ... You're right, we
don't. .... Sign here."