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WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
OK, this was sent to me by my mother, who lives on the east coast,
Michigan, that's east of the Mississippi River. It was sent to her by my cousin, I believe now lives on the west coast, Washington State, that's west of the Mississippi. In case you're one of the too-tight people, you don't need to read this, because I'm sure your gonna get offended by some, or all, of it. But, for the people with an actual sense of humor, here it is. =A0 Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in backyard instead of taking it to recycle. 19) Throw kitt! y litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawn mower gas. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss August (2002) in the left boob. 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23-43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over:..... arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00 But at least you know the job was done right!! JOAT Drink coffee. Do stupid things faster, with more energy. Life just ain't life without good music. - JOAT Web Page Update 13 Oct 2003. Some tunes I like. http://community-2.webtv.net/Jakofal...OMETUNESILIKE/ |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
This guy's name isn't Larry is it? Just asking since we all know this guy
on the left coast that kinda fits the picture......;-) Bob S. |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
T. wrote:
Total-- $4165.00 But at least you know the job was done right!! LMAO!!!!! 'Cept I can't really laugh about drinking and driving, or dumping oil in a hole in the back yard. No, instead I have about 15 kitty litter and antifreeze jugs full of used oil that I may never get around to recycling. -- Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621 http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5407/ |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
"T." wrote:
OK, this was sent to me by my mother, who lives on the east coast, Michigan, that's east of the Mississippi River. It was sent to her by my cousin, I believe now lives on the west coast, Washington State, that's west of the Mississippi. In case you're one of the too-tight people, you don't need to read this, because I'm sure your gonna get offended by some, or all, of it. But, for the people with an actual sense of humor, here it is. Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in backyard instead of taking it to recycle. 19) Throw kitt! y litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawn mower gas. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss August (2002) in the left boob. 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23-43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over:..... arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00 But at least you know the job was done right!! JOAT Drink coffee. Do stupid things faster, with more energy. Life just ain't life without good music. - JOAT Web Page Update 13 Oct 2003. Some tunes I like. http://community-2.webtv.net/Jakofal...OMETUNESILIKE/ LMAO! That was great. I'm in SW Michigan, Kalamazoo..yes there really is a Kalamazoo for those that wonder, had a guy in my shop in 'Nam that really did not know that Kazoo was a real place..he was from Georgia so I forgave him. Anyway, what part of Mi is your mom in? Scott -- An unkind remark is like a killing frost. No matter how much it warms up later, the damage remains. |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
On Fri, 17 Oct 2003 14:33:11 -0400, Silvan
wrote: No, instead I have about 15 kitty litter and antifreeze jugs full of used oil that I may never get around to recycling. My used oil goes for hot-oil-blueing steelwork. http://codesmiths.com/shed/furniture/cocktail/ -- Die Gotterspammerung - Junkmail of the Gods |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
Andy Dingley wrote:
My used oil goes for hot-oil-blueing steelwork. http://codesmiths.com/shed/furniture/cocktail/ How do you cut those open without blowing your head off?? No, I'm not going to try this at home, so don't worry about me running off half cocked. :) I'm imagining maybe you charge it with CO2 or nitrogen or something before cutting it open. Wrong track? Cool stuff, you weirdo. ;) -- Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621 http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5407/ |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
Sat, Oct 18, 2003, 1:05am (EDT+5)
(Andy=A0Dingley) says: My used oil goes for hot-oil-blueing steelwork. You've got a lotttt of spare time, haven't you Andy? Just let us know whenever you've got something new to look at. JOAT I'd be happy to help you out. Which way did you come in? Life just ain't life without good music. - JOAT Web Page Update 17 Oct 2003. Some tunes I like. http://community-2.webtv.net/Jakofal...OMETUNESILIKE/ |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
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WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
On Fri, 17 Oct 2003 21:54:07 -0400, Silvan
pixelated: Andy Dingley wrote: My used oil goes for hot-oil-blueing steelwork. http://codesmiths.com/shed/furniture/cocktail/ How do you cut those open without blowing your head off?? Filling it with water expunges the gas, emptying the water refills it with normal air. Cut away! Cool stuff, you weirdo. ;) Agreed, on both counts. ;) ------------------------------------------------------------- give me The Luxuries Of Life * http://www.diversify.com i can live without the necessities * 2 Tee collections online ------------------------------------------------------------- |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
On Sat, 18 Oct 2003 15:43:42 GMT, Larry Jaques
wrote: Filling it with water expunges the gas, It doesn't. 8-( There's a problem with gas absorbtion into the inner surface of the cylinder (often slightly rusty). You "empty" the cylinder, then you either leave it standing or you heat the metal - then it outgases and there's an explosion. It's not (usually) enough to injure you, but it'll cost you a new pair of pants. Your google exercise for the evening is to find the web site of the guy who had this happen to him, whilst making halloween lanterns. Please don't post any "advice" for cutting propane cylinders open unless you've done a bunch yourself, and you've conducted a proper risk assessment. My protocol for doing these is a couple of pages long, and there isn't a single step that I'd omit. -- Die Gotterspammerung - Junkmail of the Gods |
WARNING - WAY OT - OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS
On Sat, 18 Oct 2003 22:55:10 +0100, Andy Dingley
pixelated: On Sat, 18 Oct 2003 15:43:42 GMT, Larry Jaques wrote: Filling it with water expunges the gas, It doesn't. 8-( I sit corrected. (too lazy to stand) There's a problem with gas absorbtion into the inner surface of the cylinder (often slightly rusty). You "empty" the cylinder, then you either leave it standing or you heat the metal - then it outgases and there's an explosion. It's not (usually) enough to injure you, but it'll cost you a new pair of pants. Your google exercise for the evening is to find the web site of the guy who had this happen to him, whilst making halloween lanterns. g x2 Please don't post any "advice" for cutting propane cylinders open unless you've done a bunch yourself, and you've conducted a proper risk assessment. My protocol for doing these is a couple of pages long, and there isn't a single step that I'd omit. I bow to your advanced knowledge of the beast and will take your advice. ------------------------------------------------------- Have you read the new book "What Would Machiavelli Do?" ---------------------------- http://diversify.com Dynamic, Interactive Websites! -------------------------------------------------------- |
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