Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)

I've had a theory about small inanimate objects. The idea started
coming into clearer focus as I got more and more into woodworking
and small (relative to the Heavy Iron machines) inanimate objects
began proliferating in The Shop. I put a tool or some other
inanimate object down on a benchtop or shelf and when I go back to
get it minutes, hours or days later - it's gone. When I don't need
it, somehow it always manages to be in the way so I have to move
it. But when I reach for it seconds later it has vanished,
sometimes transported acrossed the shop and buried under other
"stuff".

Now we all know that anything that can roll will. Has something to
do with some guy named Newton. Why the inventor of the fig bar
causes things to roll is a mystery to me but it's his fault that
tools that can roll do. Anyway, anything with a cutting edge will,
too often to be a coincidence, jump off a flat horizontal surface
onto a concrete floor, almost always landing on the cutting edge
or, worse yet - on the corner of the cutting edge - sort of like a
cat landing on its feet or the jellied side of a piece of toast always
landing jelly side down. Not only will they jump - they'll hide once
they make it to the floor, usually under something heavy - AND -
next to, on top of, or under something that bites or scratches and
may or may not be venomous.

This is actually a corollary to my theory that all inanimate
objects are very sensitive, insecure and have a self destructive
streak. If they feel they've been slighted, or ignored for too long,
they'll try to hurt themselves at the first opportunity. Two cast
iron planes, placed feet apart will, for no apparent reason,
inexplicably bang into each other, managing to chip off a piece of
one or both or bend something that's suppose to be straight.

Understanding the psychology of your inanimate objects is the
first step in getting them to cooperate with you and each other.
You can reduce their insecurity by giving them a nice home - each
a comfy place of its own - a place in a rack in a nice tool cabinet, a
fitted resting place in a dovetailed drawer, for the really sensitive
ones - a nice custom box, for carving tools - a snugly pocket in a
tool roll as they seem more content amongst others of their kind.
You will need to keep them separated or, like children in the back
seat of a car during a long trip, they'll go into "He's touching me/
I'm not touching him!" or jostling and rough housing mode.

Be warned however, once each has a home YOU MUST return each
to its respective residence. They can be very territorial and the
last thing you want is for a war to break out In a wall cabinet full
of sharp things.

Spend some quality time with each of them and make sure you're
generous with compliments. "Now this is a wonderful tool - nice to
look at, just the right feel in hand and it does its job better than
any other tool in the shop!" "You're a joy to use!" With mortising
chisels you should avoid terms like "pretty" or "beautiful". Try
"Now this is a beefy SOB, a REAL chisel." With small paring chisels
and japanese dovetail saws say things like "What an elegant tool,
so delicate yet so effective." Or "DEADBLOW - a perfect name for
a perfect tool!" When you get visitors to the shop brag about
them a little, the tools, not the visitor.

NEVER get angry at a tool or cuss at it or call it names - unless
the name is an affectionate one. If a tool misbehaves it's usually
because of something stupid YOU did. Cutting tools WILL think
that any blood loss or stitches are THEIR fault and that can lead to
depression. Depressed tools don't work very well. If you get
injured by a tool make sure the tool knows It was due to your
carelessness or poor technique.

Start each day in the shop with a pleasant greeting "What a
glorious day we're going to have." Visit with each one during the
day, if only for a moment, and things will go a lot better. At the
end of the day thank them and affirm their worth before turning
off the lights.

And if you can, get some Camelia Oil, edged tools LOVE Camelia Oil.

charlie b

"charlieb" wrote in message
...
Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)

I've had a theory about small inanimate objects. The idea started
coming into clearer focus as I got more and more into woodworking
and small (relative to the Heavy Iron machines) inanimate objects
began proliferating in The Shop. I put a tool or some other
inanimate object down on a benchtop or shelf and when I go back to
get it minutes, hours or days later - it's gone. When I don't need
it, somehow it always manages to be in the way so I have to move
it. But when I reach for it seconds later it has vanished,
sometimes transported acrossed the shop and buried under other
"stuff".

Now we all know that anything that can roll will. Has something to
do with some guy named Newton. Why the inventor of the fig bar
causes things to roll is a mystery to me but it's his fault that
tools that can roll do. Anyway, anything with a cutting edge will,
too often to be a coincidence, jump off a flat horizontal surface
onto a concrete floor, almost always landing on the cutting edge
or, worse yet - on the corner of the cutting edge - sort of like a
cat landing on its feet or the jellied side of a piece of toast always
landing jelly side down. Not only will they jump - they'll hide once
they make it to the floor, usually under something heavy - AND -
next to, on top of, or under something that bites or scratches and
may or may not be venomous.

This is actually a corollary to my theory that all inanimate
objects are very sensitive, insecure and have a self destructive
streak. If they feel they've been slighted, or ignored for too long,
they'll try to hurt themselves at the first opportunity. Two cast
iron planes, placed feet apart will, for no apparent reason,
inexplicably bang into each other, managing to chip off a piece of
one or both or bend something that's suppose to be straight.

Understanding the psychology of your inanimate objects is the
first step in getting them to cooperate with you and each other.
You can reduce their insecurity by giving them a nice home - each
a comfy place of its own - a place in a rack in a nice tool cabinet, a
fitted resting place in a dovetailed drawer, for the really sensitive
ones - a nice custom box, for carving tools - a snugly pocket in a
tool roll as they seem more content amongst others of their kind.
You will need to keep them separated or, like children in the back
seat of a car during a long trip, they'll go into "He's touching me/
I'm not touching him!" or jostling and rough housing mode.

Be warned however, once each has a home YOU MUST return each
to its respective residence. They can be very territorial and the
last thing you want is for a war to break out In a wall cabinet full
of sharp things.

Spend some quality time with each of them and make sure you're
generous with compliments. "Now this is a wonderful tool - nice to
look at, just the right feel in hand and it does its job better than
any other tool in the shop!" "You're a joy to use!" With mortising
chisels you should avoid terms like "pretty" or "beautiful". Try
"Now this is a beefy SOB, a REAL chisel." With small paring chisels
and japanese dovetail saws say things like "What an elegant tool,
so delicate yet so effective." Or "DEADBLOW - a perfect name for
a perfect tool!" When you get visitors to the shop brag about
them a little, the tools, not the visitor.

NEVER get angry at a tool or cuss at it or call it names - unless
the name is an affectionate one. If a tool misbehaves it's usually
because of something stupid YOU did. Cutting tools WILL think
that any blood loss or stitches are THEIR fault and that can lead to
depression. Depressed tools don't work very well. If you get
injured by a tool make sure the tool knows It was due to your
carelessness or poor technique.

Start each day in the shop with a pleasant greeting "What a
glorious day we're going to have." Visit with each one during the
day, if only for a moment, and things will go a lot better. At the
end of the day thank them and affirm their worth before turning
off the lights.

And if you can, get some Camelia Oil, edged tools LOVE Camelia Oil.

charlie b

How should you deal with electrical cords? Mine have this habit of trying
to mate whenever they're left within ten feet of each other. I don't mind
the mating but the contortions they must go through to get so entangled is a
mystery.

Max

Max wrote:

How should you deal with electrical cords?

Go cordless and hoseless and etc,

Lew

Thanks Charlie. I'll be adding this to my collection.
Very nice extension (corollary maybe?) of the theory of
"The Innate Hostility of Inanimate Objects".
AKA Resistentialism (http://wordsmith.org/words/resistentialism.html)


There's some history here
http://www.masslive.com/weblogs/some...s/2004_03.html

Art

"charlieb" wrote in message
...
Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)

snip

Max wrote:

How should you deal with electrical cords? Mine have this habit of trying
to mate whenever they're left within ten feet of each other. I don't mind
the mating but the contortions they must go through to get so entangled is a
mystery.


Ah - the Electrical Cords Gordian Knot Creation Mystery - power cords
which left unattanded will, in almost all cases, somehow find a way
to
tie themselves into knots which only The Alexander Solution can undo.
The latter is not advisable, especially if one or more of said power
cords is plugged into a hot electrical outlet.

Two solutions to avoid this phenomenon (sp?).

The first is the Festools Solution - one cord plugs into all their
power tools that require 110V AC.

A cabinet maker friend in Bend, Oregon, came up with a less
elegant, but considerably less expensive solution. He cut all
the power cords on his hand held power tools to about 6 inches,
too short to knot. He affixed a male plug, available in various
forms from most hardware stores, to his short cords. One
long power cord to where he's working and he can power all
his hand held AC powered tools- with no knots. You only use
one power tool at a time - normally.

charlie b

"charlieb" wrote in message
...
Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)

Thank God I'm not to blame.
Here I thought the disappearing tools were caused by my eye sight and old
timers disease.

Max wrote:


How should you deal with electrical cords? Mine have this habit of trying
to mate whenever they're left within ten feet of each other. I don't mind
the mating but the contortions they must go through to get so entangled is a
mystery.

Max



Maybe just treat it as another form of
wood porn.

Tanus

--
This is not really a sig.

http://users.compzone.ca/george/shop/

charlieb wrote:
Max wrote:
How should you deal with electrical cords? Mine have this habit of trying
to mate whenever they're left within ten feet of each other. I don't mind
the mating but the contortions they must go through to get so entangled is a
mystery.


Ah - the Electrical Cords Gordian Knot Creation Mystery - power cords
which left unattanded will, in almost all cases, somehow find a way
to
tie themselves into knots which only The Alexander Solution can undo.
The latter is not advisable, especially if one or more of said power
cords is plugged into a hot electrical outlet.


Not actually a problem. Said electrical circuit is normally polite
enough to disarm itself after a few invigorating moments. If this does
not actually start a fire, the circuit will normally be cool to the
touch within minutes. This trait is most pronounced in lighting circuits
pressed into extra duty.

Bill

--
http://nmwoodworks.com/cube


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On Apr 3, 3:02 pm, "Max" it
wrote:
"charlieb" wrote in message

...



Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)

I've had a theory about small inanimate objects. The idea started
coming into clearer focus as I got more and more into woodworking
and small (relative to the Heavy Iron machines) inanimate objects
began proliferating in The Shop. I put a tool or some other
inanimate object down on a benchtop or shelf and when I go back to
get it minutes, hours or days later - it's gone. When I don't need
it, somehow it always manages to be in the way so I have to move
it. But when I reach for it seconds later it has vanished,
sometimes transported acrossed the shop and buried under other
"stuff".

Now we all know that anything that can roll will. Has something to
do with some guy named Newton. Why the inventor of the fig bar
causes things to roll is a mystery to me but it's his fault that
tools that can roll do. Anyway, anything with a cutting edge will,
too often to be a coincidence, jump off a flat horizontal surface
onto a concrete floor, almost always landing on the cutting edge
or, worse yet - on the corner of the cutting edge - sort of like a
cat landing on its feet or the jellied side of a piece of toast always
landing jelly side down. Not only will they jump - they'll hide once
they make it to the floor, usually under something heavy - AND -
next to, on top of, or under something that bites or scratches and
may or may not be venomous.

This is actually a corollary to my theory that all inanimate
objects are very sensitive, insecure and have a self destructive
streak. If they feel they've been slighted, or ignored for too long,
they'll try to hurt themselves at the first opportunity. Two cast
iron planes, placed feet apart will, for no apparent reason,
inexplicably bang into each other, managing to chip off a piece of
one or both or bend something that's suppose to be straight.

Understanding the psychology of your inanimate objects is the
first step in getting them to cooperate with you and each other.
You can reduce their insecurity by giving them a nice home - each
a comfy place of its own - a place in a rack in a nice tool cabinet, a
fitted resting place in a dovetailed drawer, for the really sensitive
ones - a nice custom box, for carving tools - a snugly pocket in a
tool roll as they seem more content amongst others of their kind.
You will need to keep them separated or, like children in the back
seat of a car during a long trip, they'll go into "He's touching me/
I'm not touching him!" or jostling and rough housing mode.

Be warned however, once each has a home YOU MUST return each
to its respective residence. They can be very territorial and the
last thing you want is for a war to break out In a wall cabinet full
of sharp things.

Spend some quality time with each of them and make sure you're
generous with compliments. "Now this is a wonderful tool - nice to
look at, just the right feel in hand and it does its job better than
any other tool in the shop!" "You're a joy to use!" With mortising
chisels you should avoid terms like "pretty" or "beautiful". Try
"Now this is a beefy SOB, a REAL chisel." With small paring chisels
and japanese dovetail saws say things like "What an elegant tool,
so delicate yet so effective." Or "DEADBLOW - a perfect name for
a perfect tool!" When you get visitors to the shop brag about
them a little, the tools, not the visitor.

NEVER get angry at a tool or cuss at it or call it names - unless
the name is an affectionate one. If a tool misbehaves it's usually
because of something stupid YOU did. Cutting tools WILL think
that any blood loss or stitches are THEIR fault and that can lead to
depression. Depressed tools don't work very well. If you get
injured by a tool make sure the tool knows It was due to your
carelessness or poor technique.

Start each day in the shop with a pleasant greeting "What a
glorious day we're going to have." Visit with each one during the
day, if only for a moment, and things will go a lot better. At the
end of the day thank them and affirm their worth before turning
off the lights.

And if you can, get some Camelia Oil, edged tools LOVE Camelia Oil.

charlie b

How should you deal with electrical cords? Mine have this habit of trying
to mate whenever they're left within ten feet of each other. I don't mind
the mating but the contortions they must go through to get so entangled is a
mystery.

I swear, my bench planes have been breeding. I can't remember buying
more than a half a dozen, but I've got upwards of 40 of the damned
things.
Can't remember buying ANY #4s. I think they're a cross between my
3s and 5s.

Does anyone know where I can get them spayed before they take over?

Father Haskell wrote:
On Apr 3, 3:02 pm, "Max" it
wrote:
"charlieb" wrote in message

...



Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)
I've had a theory about small inanimate objects. The idea started
coming into clearer focus as I got more and more into woodworking
and small (relative to the Heavy Iron machines) inanimate objects
began proliferating in The Shop. I put a tool or some other
inanimate object down on a benchtop or shelf and when I go back to
get it minutes, hours or days later - it's gone. When I don't need
it, somehow it always manages to be in the way so I have to move
it. But when I reach for it seconds later it has vanished,
sometimes transported acrossed the shop and buried under other
"stuff".
Now we all know that anything that can roll will. Has something to
do with some guy named Newton. Why the inventor of the fig bar
causes things to roll is a mystery to me but it's his fault that
tools that can roll do. Anyway, anything with a cutting edge will,
too often to be a coincidence, jump off a flat horizontal surface
onto a concrete floor, almost always landing on the cutting edge
or, worse yet - on the corner of the cutting edge - sort of like a
cat landing on its feet or the jellied side of a piece of toast always
landing jelly side down. Not only will they jump - they'll hide once
they make it to the floor, usually under something heavy - AND -
next to, on top of, or under something that bites or scratches and
may or may not be venomous.
This is actually a corollary to my theory that all inanimate
objects are very sensitive, insecure and have a self destructive
streak. If they feel they've been slighted, or ignored for too long,
they'll try to hurt themselves at the first opportunity. Two cast
iron planes, placed feet apart will, for no apparent reason,
inexplicably bang into each other, managing to chip off a piece of
one or both or bend something that's suppose to be straight.
Understanding the psychology of your inanimate objects is the
first step in getting them to cooperate with you and each other.
You can reduce their insecurity by giving them a nice home - each
a comfy place of its own - a place in a rack in a nice tool cabinet, a
fitted resting place in a dovetailed drawer, for the really sensitive
ones - a nice custom box, for carving tools - a snugly pocket in a
tool roll as they seem more content amongst others of their kind.
You will need to keep them separated or, like children in the back
seat of a car during a long trip, they'll go into "He's touching me/
I'm not touching him!" or jostling and rough housing mode.
Be warned however, once each has a home YOU MUST return each
to its respective residence. They can be very territorial and the
last thing you want is for a war to break out In a wall cabinet full
of sharp things.
Spend some quality time with each of them and make sure you're
generous with compliments. "Now this is a wonderful tool - nice to
look at, just the right feel in hand and it does its job better than
any other tool in the shop!" "You're a joy to use!" With mortising
chisels you should avoid terms like "pretty" or "beautiful". Try
"Now this is a beefy SOB, a REAL chisel." With small paring chisels
and japanese dovetail saws say things like "What an elegant tool,
so delicate yet so effective." Or "DEADBLOW - a perfect name for
a perfect tool!" When you get visitors to the shop brag about
them a little, the tools, not the visitor.
NEVER get angry at a tool or cuss at it or call it names - unless
the name is an affectionate one. If a tool misbehaves it's usually
because of something stupid YOU did. Cutting tools WILL think
that any blood loss or stitches are THEIR fault and that can lead to
depression. Depressed tools don't work very well. If you get
injured by a tool make sure the tool knows It was due to your
carelessness or poor technique.
Start each day in the shop with a pleasant greeting "What a
glorious day we're going to have." Visit with each one during the
day, if only for a moment, and things will go a lot better. At the
end of the day thank them and affirm their worth before turning
off the lights.
And if you can, get some Camelia Oil, edged tools LOVE Camelia Oil.
charlie b
How should you deal with electrical cords? Mine have this habit of trying
to mate whenever they're left within ten feet of each other. I don't mind
the mating but the contortions they must go through to get so entangled is a
mystery.

I swear, my bench planes have been breeding. I can't remember buying
more than a half a dozen, but I've got upwards of 40 of the damned
things.
Can't remember buying ANY #4s. I think they're a cross between my
3s and 5s.

Does anyone know where I can get them spayed before they take over?


Call L/N. He works his tail off making those things. I'm sure he'd pay
good money if he can figure out how to just breed them instead. ;-)

Bill


--
http://nmwoodworks.com/cube


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On Apr 3, 5:50 pm, charlieb wrote:
Max wrote:

How should you deal with electrical cords? Mine have this habit of trying
to mate whenever they're left within ten feet of each other. I don't mind
the mating but the contortions they must go through to get so entangled is a
mystery.

Ah - the Electrical Cords Gordian Knot Creation Mystery - power cords
which left unattanded will, in almost all cases, somehow find a way
to
tie themselves into knots which only The Alexander Solution can undo.
The latter is not advisable, especially if one or more of said power
cords is plugged into a hot electrical outlet.

Two solutions to avoid this phenomenon (sp?).

The first is the Festools Solution - one cord plugs into all their
power tools that require 110V AC.

A cabinet maker friend in Bend, Oregon, came up with a less
elegant, but considerably less expensive solution. He cut all
the power cords on his hand held power tools to about 6 inches,
too short to knot. He affixed a male plug, available in various
forms from most hardware stores, to his short cords. One
long power cord to where he's working and he can power all
his hand held AC powered tools- with no knots. You only use
one power tool at a time - normally.

He didn't work for Black and Decker back in the '70s, did he?

On Tue, 03 Apr 2007 11:19:36 -0700, charlieb
wrote:

Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)
.... snippety...


And if you can, get some Camelia Oil, edged tools LOVE Camelia Oil.

charlie b

Dang, had to DAGS Camelia. Evidently protects against stretch
marks from pregnancy?

http://www.timetospa.com/product.asp...ar entOid=118

On Tue, 03 Apr 2007 11:19:36 -0700, charlieb
wrote:

Inanimate Objects Aren't (Hand Tools Psychology)

snip

Stop procrastinating and get back in the shop to regrind the chisel
you dropped.


-Leuf