DIYbanter - Not Quite O/T - Building An Ark

Building An Ark

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now
living in Florida, and said, "Once again, the Earth has
become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of
all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of
every living thing along with a few good humans."

The Lord gave Noah the blueprints saying, "You have six
months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard but no Ark.

"Noah," the Lord roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark I commanded you to build?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have
changed. I had to get a building permit. Then, I've
been arguing with the building code inspector about the
need for a sprinkler system."

"My home owner's association claims that I've violated
the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Zoning Appeal Board for a resolution."

"Then the Public Service Commission demanded a bond be
posted for the future costs of moving the power lines,
the telephone lines and other overhead obstructions to
clear the way for the Ark's passage to the ocean," Noah
continued. "I argued that the ocean would be coming to
us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There is a ban
on cutting local trees in order to protect and save the
Red-Cockaded Woodpecker. I tried to convince the U.S.
Fish and Wildlife and the Sierra Club environmentalist
that I need the wood to save the woodpeckers. But it
was no go!"

"Lord, when I started gathering the animals according
to your instructions, I got sued by the People for the
Ethical Treatment of Animals. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will."

"Then the Humane Society sued. They argued that the
Ark was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space."

"The Environmental Protection Agency stepped in and
said I could not build the Ark until they had conducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission on how many
minorities I'm supposed to hire for my Ark building."

"Then, the United Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners
of America trade union said I can't use my sons to help
me build the Ark. They insist I can only hire union
journeymen carpenters with Ark building experience."

"To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service
seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the
country without paying my taxes."

"The IRS brought in the Immigration and Naturalization
folks to check my visa and passport."

"So, forgive me Lord, but with all the reviews,
permits, documents, law suits and stuff it will take at
least ten years for me to finish this Ark!"

Suddenly the skies cleared, and the sun began to shine
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "Lord, you mean you
're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord, "the Government beat me to it!"