UK diy (uk.d-i-y) For the discussion of all topics related to diy (do-it-yourself) in the UK. All levels of experience and proficency are welcome to join in to ask questions or offer solutions.

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On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:12:33 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 14:06, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:04:15 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 10:35, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 07:39:28 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:51, ARW wrote:
On 23/05/2017 19:44, Tim Streater wrote:
In article , ARW
wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:01, alan_m wrote:
On 22/05/2017 17:44, Tim Streater wrote:


And rabbits and squirrels, in our case.


and most of the garden bird population.

Most of the garden bird population disappeared when people
decided to
replace their hedges with fences. Along with the hedgehogs.

And you cannot blame cats for killing the hedgehog population.

No, but we can blame the bodgers though.

I've got hedgehogs. I left them some where to live.

We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.


Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.


I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

--
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:10:42 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 13:16, whisky-dave wrote:
On Tuesday, 23 May 2017 19:28:34 UTC+1, Richard wrote:
"alan_m" wrote in message ...

On 22/05/2017 17:44, Tim Streater wrote:


And rabbits and squirrels, in our case.


and most of the garden bird population.

What is a garden bird?


A bird that is likely to frequent yuor garden I'd assume.
you must have seen them in yuor garden, Dodos, pengiuns, albatrosses, emus, ostriches, the sort of birds yuo'd expect in yuor garden.

Indeed, we find that the pteradactyls eat all our flowers.


Some flowers are poisonous to pterodactyls. It is your responsibility to label them appropriately.

--
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On 24/05/2017 14:18, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:12:33 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 14:06, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:04:15 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 10:35, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 07:39:28 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:51, ARW wrote:
On 23/05/2017 19:44, Tim Streater wrote:
In article , ARW
wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:01, alan_m wrote:
On 22/05/2017 17:44, Tim Streater wrote:


And rabbits and squirrels, in our case.


and most of the garden bird population.

Most of the garden bird population disappeared when people
decided to
replace their hedges with fences. Along with the hedgehogs.

And you cannot blame cats for killing the hedgehog population.

No, but we can blame the bodgers though.

I've got hedgehogs. I left them some where to live.

We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.


I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.
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On 24/05/2017 14:21, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:10:42 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 13:16, whisky-dave wrote:
On Tuesday, 23 May 2017 19:28:34 UTC+1, Richard wrote:
"alan_m" wrote in message ...

On 22/05/2017 17:44, Tim Streater wrote:


And rabbits and squirrels, in our case.


and most of the garden bird population.

What is a garden bird?

A bird that is likely to frequent yuor garden I'd assume.
you must have seen them in yuor garden, Dodos, pengiuns, albatrosses,
emus, ostriches, the sort of birds yuo'd expect in yuor garden.

Indeed, we find that the pteradactyls eat all our flowers.


Some flowers are poisonous to pterodactyls. It is your responsibility
to label them appropriately.

Indeed, we use safe gardening methods.
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:39:41 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 14:18, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:12:33 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 14:06, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:04:15 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 10:35, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 07:39:28 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:51, ARW wrote:
On 23/05/2017 19:44, Tim Streater wrote:
In article , ARW
wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:01, alan_m wrote:
On 22/05/2017 17:44, Tim Streater wrote:


And rabbits and squirrels, in our case.


and most of the garden bird population.

Most of the garden bird population disappeared when people
decided to
replace their hedges with fences. Along with the hedgehogs.

And you cannot blame cats for killing the hedgehog population.

No, but we can blame the bodgers though.

I've got hedgehogs. I left them some where to live.

We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.


I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.


Hedge and soil?

--
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."


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On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:41:50 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 14:21, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 14:10:42 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 13:16, whisky-dave wrote:
On Tuesday, 23 May 2017 19:28:34 UTC+1, Richard wrote:
"alan_m" wrote in message ...

On 22/05/2017 17:44, Tim Streater wrote:


And rabbits and squirrels, in our case.


and most of the garden bird population.

What is a garden bird?

A bird that is likely to frequent yuor garden I'd assume.
you must have seen them in yuor garden, Dodos, pengiuns, albatrosses,
emus, ostriches, the sort of birds yuo'd expect in yuor garden.

Indeed, we find that the pteradactyls eat all our flowers.


Some flowers are poisonous to pterodactyls. It is your responsibility
to label them appropriately.

Indeed, we use safe gardening methods.


Unlike my neighbour who actually got a black eye from standing on a rake. I thought that was only possible in cartoons.

--
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
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On 23/05/2017 19:22, Richard wrote:
..
Obviously cats fill a need in your sad little lives, but seriously,

^^^^^
don't you have anything better to do than wine like little pussies?

^^^^^^^
Tell me that was deliberate, please.

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On Wednesday, 24 May 2017 13:53:12 UTC+1, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 10:52:22 +0100, Rod Speed wrote:



"James Wilkinson Sword" wrote in message
news
On Wed, 24 May 2017 07:48:01 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 23/05/2017 23:08, alan_m wrote:
On 23/05/2017 21:35, bert wrote:


Very clever, mice and moles. Almost invisible.

You would know if you had moles!

We had moles all over one of our lawns for about two years, we did
nothing and then they disappeared and haven't seen any mole hills since.
Moles are constantly on the move.


Sometimes they dig all the way through the earth's crust.


A likely story...


Prove they don't. Cats can be in one place one moment, then somewhere else the next, they're like sand flies, they're magic.


In fact as we all know about schroeder's cat , a cat can be in 2 places at the same time bith dead and alive, eating and sleeping.
In fact I bet the reason you keep falling over your own feet is because there's a cat there, nothing to do with you not being able to work out how to walk in shoes or slippers it's the cats fault.


How do you think volcanoes start?


That's the devil farting, stupid.


And lava flow is anal seepage?


yes you know a lot about anal seepage, but are you sure you are the right way up ? is this seepage running up or down your chin. We'll use the term up as running in the opposote direction from where gravity wants it to go.


--
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.


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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:05:58 +0100, soup
wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:22, Richard wrote:
.
Obviously cats fill a need in your sad little lives, but seriously,

^^^^^
don't you have anything better to do than wine like little pussies?

^^^^^^^
Tell me that was deliberate, please.


And "wine" isn't a verb ;-)

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We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.


Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.


Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

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On 24/05/2017 15:28, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:05:58 +0100, soup
wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:22, Richard wrote:
.
Obviously cats fill a need in your sad little lives, but seriously,

^^^^^
don't you have anything better to do than wine like little pussies?

^^^^^^^
Tell me that was deliberate, please.


And "wine" isn't a verb ;-)

True, it's a drink ;-)
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On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:35:38 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)


With a hedgehog?! Ouch!

--
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:35:38 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)


M'colleague (a very hot woman) once sent an email round organising ways to get fit. I asked the number of calories used during sex. She said it depends on the position. I asked if she would be doing practical demonstrations and got no reply.

--
The longest word word has 189,819 letters, and takes three hours to pronounce:
http://www.digitalspy.com/fun/news/a...-to-pronounce/


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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.


John Cleese did one once.

--
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:36:34 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:28, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:05:58 +0100, soup
wrote:

On 23/05/2017 19:22, Richard wrote:
.
Obviously cats fill a need in your sad little lives, but seriously,
^^^^^
don't you have anything better to do than wine like little pussies?
^^^^^^^
Tell me that was deliberate, please.


And "wine" isn't a verb ;-)

True, it's a drink ;-)


In my newsreader, the arrows point to "than", which appears to be spelt correctly.

--
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I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)


With a hedgehog?! Ouch!

You'd definitely feel a few pricks.
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On 24/05/2017 15:55, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.


John Cleese did one once.

Did you witness this event?
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On Wednesday, 24 May 2017 15:35:41 UTC+1, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)


I would have thought a guide on how to have sex with a hedgehog would have a detailed health and safety section especailly when it comes to the practical exam.



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On Wed, 24 May 2017 08:00:09 -0700 (PDT), whisky-dave
wrote:

On Wednesday, 24 May 2017 15:35:41 UTC+1, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.


I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)


I would have thought a guide on how to have sex with a hedgehog would have a detailed health and safety section especailly when it comes to the practical exam.


I'll go for the module on human females.

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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:57:43 +0100, Bod wrote:


I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)


With a hedgehog?! Ouch!

You'd definitely feel a few pricks.


Does that class as an orgy?

--
Before you set out on a journey, ring your local radio station and say there's a terrible congestion on your road. Everybody avoids it and it's clear for you! -- Jack Dee
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:59:35 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:55, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.


John Cleese did one once.

Did you witness this event?


On television.

--
Before you set out on a journey, ring your local radio station and say there's a terrible congestion on your road. Everybody avoids it and it's clear for you! -- Jack Dee
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:06:37 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 08:00:09 -0700 (PDT), whisky-dave
wrote:

On Wednesday, 24 May 2017 15:35:41 UTC+1, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)


I would have thought a guide on how to have sex with a hedgehog would have a detailed health and safety section especailly when it comes to the practical exam.


I'll go for the module on human females.


Don't you know what to do with them?

--
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On 24/05/2017 16:30, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:57:43 +0100, Bod wrote:


I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

With a hedgehog?! Ouch!

You'd definitely feel a few pricks.


Does that class as an orgy?

I'm not an orgy expert.


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On 24/05/2017 16:30, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:59:35 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:55, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one
in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.

John Cleese did one once.

Did you witness this event?


On television.

Perv.
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:30:41 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:06:37 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 08:00:09 -0700 (PDT), whisky-dave
wrote:

On Wednesday, 24 May 2017 15:35:41 UTC+1, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

I would have thought a guide on how to have sex with a hedgehog would have a detailed health and safety section especailly when it comes to the practical exam.


I'll go for the module on human females.


Don't you know what to do with them?


Yes, of course. But I could always do with more.

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On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:55:09 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.


John Cleese did one once.


Did what, exactly?

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On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:44:29 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 16:30, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:57:43 +0100, Bod wrote:


I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

With a hedgehog?! Ouch!

You'd definitely feel a few pricks.


Does that class as an orgy?

I'm not an orgy expert.


Then you've never lived.

--
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine aeroplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:45:12 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 16:30, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:59:35 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:55, James Wilkinson Sword wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one
in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.

John Cleese did one once.

Did you witness this event?


On television.

Perv.


Isn't everyone?

--
"Sir, your daughter says she loves me, she can't live without me, and wants to marry me."
"And you're asking my permission to marry her?"
"No, I'm asking you to make her leave me the hell alone!!"


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On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:48:15 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:30:41 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:06:37 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 08:00:09 -0700 (PDT), whisky-dave
wrote:

On Wednesday, 24 May 2017 15:35:41 UTC+1, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

I would have thought a guide on how to have sex with a hedgehog would have a detailed health and safety section especailly when it comes to the practical exam.

I'll go for the module on human females.


Don't you know what to do with them?


Yes, of course. But I could always do with more.


Our genes are all wrong. There should be 10 females to each male.

--
"Sir, your daughter says she loves me, she can't live without me, and wants to marry me."
"And you're asking my permission to marry her?"
"No, I'm asking you to make her leave me the hell alone!!"
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:49:00 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:55:09 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.


John Cleese did one once.


Did what, exactly?


A class.

--
"Sir, your daughter says she loves me, she can't live without me, and wants to marry me."
"And you're asking my permission to marry her?"
"No, I'm asking you to make her leave me the hell alone!!"
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 17:01:22 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:49:00 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:55:09 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.

John Cleese did one once.


Did what, exactly?


A class.


When, where, how etc?

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"soup" wrote in message ...

On 23/05/2017 19:22, Richard wrote:
.
Obviously cats fill a need in your sad little lives, but seriously,

^^^^^
don't you have anything better to do than wine like little pussies?

^^^^^^^
Tell me that was deliberate, please.


No, it was a typo. Whining little pussies.
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 17:01:14 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:48:15 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:30:41 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:06:37 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 08:00:09 -0700 (PDT), whisky-dave
wrote:

On Wednesday, 24 May 2017 15:35:41 UTC+1, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

I would have thought a guide on how to have sex with a hedgehog would have a detailed health and safety section especailly when it comes to the practical exam.

I'll go for the module on human females.

Don't you know what to do with them?


Yes, of course. But I could always do with more.


Our genes are all wrong. There should be 10 females to each male.


Try a girls' school ;-)



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"whisky-dave" wrote in message
...

On Tuesday, 23 May 2017 19:28:34 UTC+1, Richard wrote:
"alan_m" wrote in message ...

On 22/05/2017 17:44, Tim Streater wrote:


And rabbits and squirrels, in our case.


and most of the garden bird population.


What is a garden bird?


A bird that is likely to frequent yuor garden I'd assume.
you must have seen them in yuor garden, Dodos, pengiuns, albatrosses, emus,
ostriches, the sort of birds yuo'd expect in yuor garden.


Birds don't frequent my garden, the cat would catch 'em. Living adjacent to
a nature reserve, I don't encourage birds by feeding them anyway. Some
neighbours do and then wonder why they get rats in the garden.

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"Bod" wrote in message ...

On 23/05/2017 23:08, alan_m wrote:
On 23/05/2017 21:35, bert wrote:


Very clever, mice and moles. Almost invisible.


You would know if you had moles!

We had moles all over one of our lawns for about two years, we did
nothing and then they disappeared and haven't seen any mole hills since.
Moles are constantly on the move.


Lucky Plowman doesn't live nearby else you'd have had mountains.
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Richard wrote:
"whisky-dave" wrote in message
...

On Tuesday, 23 May 2017 19:28:34 UTC+1, Richard wrote:
"alan_m" wrote in message ...

On 22/05/2017 17:44, Tim Streater wrote:


And rabbits and squirrels, in our case.


and most of the garden bird population.

What is a garden bird?


A bird that is likely to frequent yuor garden I'd assume.
you must have seen them in yuor garden, Dodos, pengiuns,
albatrosses, emus, ostriches, the sort of birds yuo'd expect in yuor
garden.


Birds don't frequent my garden, the cat would catch 'em. Living
adjacent to a nature reserve, I don't encourage birds by feeding them
anyway. Some neighbours do and then wonder why they get rats in the
garden.


Since the cats next door all died :-) we now get plenty of birds in our
garden.
We do not feed them and have never seen a rat. But we do not live on a
stinking council estate as you do.


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On Wed, 24 May 2017 17:23:22 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 17:01:22 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:49:00 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:55:09 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:47:57 +0100, Bod wrote:

On 24/05/2017 15:35, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

Well I'm not doing it if there isn't.

John Cleese did one once.

Did what, exactly?


A class.


When, where, how etc?


On television, by demonstration.

--
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On Wed, 24 May 2017 17:34:42 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 17:01:14 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:48:15 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:30:41 +0100, "James Wilkinson Sword"
wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 16:06:37 +0100, Mark wrote:

On Wed, 24 May 2017 08:00:09 -0700 (PDT), whisky-dave
wrote:

On Wednesday, 24 May 2017 15:35:41 UTC+1, Mark wrote:
On Wed, 24 May 2017 15:28:54 +0100, Bod wrote:



We also have them, as does another neighbour across the road.

Are they called hedgehogs because they like hedges? I never
actually
noticed the first 5 letters were the same. Never seen one in a
hedge,
just sat in the middle of my lawn.

Hang on, you have fences.

They hang out under the shrubbery.

Has it got a nice two level effect?

Yes and with an escalator.

I hope you give the hedgehogs adequate escalator training.

We send them on H & S courses.

Hedge and soil?

Hunting & Sex courses.

I'll go for the latter, as long as there's a practical exam ;-)

I would have thought a guide on how to have sex with a hedgehog would have a detailed health and safety section especailly when it comes to the practical exam.

I'll go for the module on human females.

Don't you know what to do with them?

Yes, of course. But I could always do with more.


Our genes are all wrong. There should be 10 females to each male.


Try a girls' school ;-)


The priests hog those.

--
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M
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