Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

On 2015-05-24 5:34 PM, philo wrote:
Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

I don't believe that tickets are automatically issued in the case of an
accident.

In Alberta you can report the incident to the Transportation ministry
who will investigate and make a determination on how to proceed.

Not sure where you are at, but at least the government is the bad guy
then.

It's a very tough position to be in, good luck with this.

--
Dr. WTF

On 05/24/2015 06:57 PM, Doctor WTF wrote:


In Alberta you can report the incident to the Transportation ministry
who will investigate and make a determination on how to proceed.

Not sure where you are at, but at least the government is the bad guy then.

It's a very tough position to be in, good luck with this.




Thanks for the reply.

My first step will be to level with my step-dad and insist he get a
medical exam and have a doctor make a judgment as to whether or not he
should be driving.


If worse comes to worse I can report this to the DMV (Wisconsin) and
they can evaluate the situation.

On 5/24/2015 7:08 PM, philo wrote:
On 05/24/2015 06:57 PM, Doctor WTF wrote:


In Alberta you can report the incident to the Transportation ministry
who will investigate and make a determination on how to proceed.

Not sure where you are at, but at least the government is the bad
guy then.

It's a very tough position to be in, good luck with this.




Thanks for the reply.

My first step will be to level with my step-dad and insist he get a
medical exam and have a doctor make a judgment as to whether or not he
should be driving.


If worse comes to worse I can report this to the DMV (Wisconsin) and
they can evaluate the situation.


My sister had a similar problem with her FIL, who also lives in
Wisconsin. She and her husband spoke to her FIL's doctor about their
concerns regarding his driving. The doctor agreed with them, but in
the family meeting, the doctor wussed out and sided with the FIL. So
his son had no choice but to take it up with the DMV. His dad lost his
license, but his car was still parked in his garage. His son had to
take the car away after he discovered his dad's caregiver was A.
letting his dad drive it, and B. driving it herself.

My elderly neighbor lost her license after she got t-boned at a busy
intersection in a high-traffic part of town. She insisted that the
other driver was at fault, but the state yanked her license and told
her she'd have to pass a reflex test and a road test in order to get
it back. She failed the reflex test and furiously blamed it on the
woman the DMV had assigned to be her coach/driving instructor. She
then decided not to even try the road test, but continued to insist
there was nothing wrong with her driving ability.

My elderly mother got cited for driving past a school bus that had its
stop arm extended. Turns out that's not just a moving violation here,
it's a misdemeanor, with a mandatory court appearance. After a
discussion with the court clerk, I told them we'd just plead her
guilty. The city attorney then offered my mom a deal - well, two
actually: 1. drop the charge if my mom took and passed a road test
(mom scowled and shook her head); 2. drop the charge if my mom had no
further traffic violations over the next year. We took the second
deal, and it persuaded my mom to give up driving. Thankfully, because
there were two prior incidents where she got lost while driving in her
own neighborhood.

It can be very, very difficult getting people to give up their keys,
even when they've got friends and family right at hand to do the
driving for them.

On 05/26/2015 08:48 AM, Moe DeLoughan wrote:


If worse comes to worse I can report this to the DMV (Wisconsin) and
they can evaluate the situation.


My sister had a similar problem with her FIL, who also lives in
Wisconsin. She and her husband spoke to her FIL's doctor about their
concerns regarding his driving. The doctor agreed with them, but in the
family meeting, the doctor wussed out and sided with the FIL. So his son
had no choice but to take it up with the DMV. His dad lost his license,
but his car was still parked in his garage. His son had to take the car
away after he discovered his dad's caregiver was A. letting his dad
drive it, and B. driving it herself.

My elderly neighbor lost her license after she got t-boned at a busy
intersection in a high-traffic part of town. She insisted that the other
driver was at fault, but the state yanked her license and told her she'd
have to pass a reflex test and a road test in order to get it back. She
failed the reflex test and furiously blamed it on the woman the DMV had
assigned to be her coach/driving instructor. She then decided not to
even try the road test, but continued to insist there was nothing wrong
with her driving ability.

My elderly mother got cited for driving past a school bus that had its
stop arm extended. Turns out that's not just a moving violation here,
it's a misdemeanor, with a mandatory court appearance. After a
discussion with the court clerk, I told them we'd just plead her guilty.
The city attorney then offered my mom a deal - well, two actually: 1.
drop the charge if my mom took and passed a road test (mom scowled and
shook her head); 2. drop the charge if my mom had no further traffic
violations over the next year. We took the second deal, and it persuaded
my mom to give up driving. Thankfully, because there were two prior
incidents where she got lost while driving in her own neighborhood.

It can be very, very difficult getting people to give up their keys,
even when they've got friends and family right at hand to do the driving
for them.






I know it will be difficult but I will have to do this.

Doctor WTF wrote:
On 2015-05-24 5:34 PM, philo wrote:
Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a
ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

I don't believe that tickets are automatically issued in the case of an
accident.

In Alberta you can report the incident to the Transportation ministry
who will investigate and make a determination on how to proceed.

Huh? transporttion ministry?
I'd suggest take him to a doctor and let him check him over.


Not sure where you are at, but at least the government is the bad guy then.

It's a very tough position to be in, good luck with this.

On 05/24/2015 08:44 PM, Tony Hwang wrote:
Doctor WTF wrote:
On 2015-05-24 5:34 PM, philo wrote:
Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a
ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the
matter.

I don't believe that tickets are automatically issued in the case of an
accident.

In Alberta you can report the incident to the Transportation ministry
who will investigate and make a determination on how to proceed.

Huh? transporttion ministry?
I'd suggest take him to a doctor and let him check him over.



Easier said than done, but will have to do this

On 2015-05-24 7:44 PM, Tony Hwang wrote:
Doctor WTF wrote:
On 2015-05-24 5:34 PM, philo wrote:
Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a
ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the
matter.

I don't believe that tickets are automatically issued in the case of an
accident.

In Alberta you can report the incident to the Transportation ministry
who will investigate and make a determination on how to proceed.

Huh? transporttion ministry?
I'd suggest take him to a doctor and let him check him over.


Not sure where you are at, but at least the government is the bad guy
then.

It's a very tough position to be in, good luck with this.



It was simply a suggestion, Alberta transportation has a procedure in
place that a complaint can be made and they will act on it.

Doctors are not always willing to step in and be the bad guy.

On 2015-05-24 8:39 PM, Idlehands wrote:
On 2015-05-24 7:44 PM, Tony Hwang wrote:
Doctor WTF wrote:
On 2015-05-24 5:34 PM, philo wrote:
Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109
MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a
ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the
matter.

I don't believe that tickets are automatically issued in the case of an
accident.

In Alberta you can report the incident to the Transportation ministry
who will investigate and make a determination on how to proceed.

Huh? transporttion ministry?
I'd suggest take him to a doctor and let him check him over.


Not sure where you are at, but at least the government is the bad guy
then.

It's a very tough position to be in, good luck with this.



It was simply a suggestion, Alberta transportation has a procedure in
place that a complaint can be made and they will act on it.

Doctors are not always willing to step in and be the bad guy.



That was indeed what I was suggesting, not sure why I said
"Transportation Ministry", oops.

--
Dr. WTF

On Sun, 24 May 2015 18:34:49 -0500, philo wrote:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a
ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

This is from the State of Nebraska: http://tinyurl.com/lhqwxwe
There is a procedure here to confidentially report problem drivers.

--
Using Opera's mail client: http://www.opera.com/mail/

On 05/24/2015 07:15 PM, Dean Hoffman wrote:
On Sun, 24 May 2015 18:34:49 -0500, philo wrote:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH
in a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a
ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

This is from the State of Nebraska: http://tinyurl.com/lhqwxwe
There is a procedure here to confidentially report problem drivers.





Thank you very much, it seems Wisconsin also has something
similar...hopefully I can get my step dad to voluntarily submit to an
exam before I have to take more drastic measures.

On Sun, 24 May 2015 18:34:49 -0500, philo wrote:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

When does his license expire and can he pass requirements on renewal,
when tested by DMV. Mom gave up on driving at an elder age (now 93),
after running a stop sign. She had the "gumption" to know when to
quit. Just sayin'.

Good luck.

On 05/24/2015 07:23 PM, Oren wrote:
On Sun, 24 May 2015 18:34:49 -0500, philo wrote:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

When does his license expire and can he pass requirements on renewal,
when tested by DMV. Mom gave up on driving at an elder age (now 93),
after running a stop sign. She had the "gumption" to know when to
quit. Just sayin'.

Good luck.




My parents live in a different city but I will make it a point to get up
there ASAP and find out

thanks

On Sun, 24 May 2015 19:25:11 -0500, philo wrote:

On 05/24/2015 07:23 PM, Oren wrote:
On Sun, 24 May 2015 18:34:49 -0500, philo wrote:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

When does his license expire and can he pass requirements on renewal,
when tested by DMV. Mom gave up on driving at an elder age (now 93),
after running a stop sign. She had the "gumption" to know when to
quit. Just sayin'.

Good luck.




My parents live in a different city but I will make it a point to get up
there ASAP and find out

thanks

Something to keep in mind is the driving is a "privilege" and not a
"right". The privilege can be revoked. As seen fit by the DMV/state.

On 05/24/2015 07:46 PM, Oren wrote:
On Sun, 24 May 2015 19:25:11 -0500, philo wrote:





My parents live in a different city but I will make it a point to get up
there ASAP and find out

thanks

Something to keep in mind is the driving is a "privilege" and not a
"right". The privilege can be revoked. As seen fit by the DMV/state.




Yep.


The hardest part was for me to realize that yep...something is wrong
here. I will be able to face the situation now.

Not pleasant but what must be done

philo wrote:
On 05/24/2015 07:46 PM, Oren wrote:
On Sun, 24 May 2015 19:25:11 -0500, philo wrote:





My parents live in a different city but I will make it a point to
get up there ASAP and find out

thanks

Something to keep in mind is the driving is a "privilege" and not a
"right". The privilege can be revoked. As seen fit by the DMV/state.




Yep.


The hardest part was for me to realize that yep...something is wrong
here. I will be able to face the situation now.

Not pleasant but what must be done

Good luck. I am almost 82 and have no driving problems but I'm sure it must
be difficult for people to have to give up driving. One reason, of course,
is the psychological one - the symbolic emasculation - but just as important
is the practical one...the ability to get from here to there when one has a
need or desire. You need to find a resolution for both.

--

dadiOH
____________________________

Winters getting colder? Tired of the rat race?
Taxes out of hand? Maybe just ready for a change?
Check it out... http://www.floridaloghouse.net

On Sun, 24 May 2015 18:34:49 -0500, philo wrote:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's...

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.

In my state the police must have probable cause to issue a traffic
citation at an accident scene. There are accidents where there is not
enough evidence to determine fault, thus no traffic citations are
issued.

One example is at a signalized intersection where both drivers claim
they had the green light. With no independent witnesses or cameras to
determine the light color at the time of the collision there would be
no citations issued.

Also in my city the police do not investigate no injury/minor
damage/no alcohol accidents. Drivers are instructed to exchange
information and contact their insurance companies. There are no
citations issued here either.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

In my state any citizen or police officer can write a letter to the
MVD with particulars. They will investigate and can call the person in
for further testing. If they determine he is no longer qualified to
drive they will revoke his drivers license.

On 05/24/2015 07:27 PM, J0HNS0N wrote:
On Sun, 24 May 2015 18:34:49 -0500, philo wrote:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's...

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.

In my state the police must have probable cause to issue a traffic
citation at an accident scene. There are accidents where there is not
enough evidence to determine fault, thus no traffic citations are
issued.

One example is at a signalized intersection where both drivers claim
they had the green light. With no independent witnesses or cameras to
determine the light color at the time of the collision there would be
no citations issued.

Also in my city the police do not investigate no injury/minor
damage/no alcohol accidents. Drivers are instructed to exchange
information and contact their insurance companies. There are no
citations issued here either.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

In my state any citizen or police officer can write a letter to the
MVD with particulars. They will investigate and can call the person in
for further testing. If they determine he is no longer qualified to
drive they will revoke his drivers license.





Yes. I guess the police thought that they were doing him a favor by
being lenient. In this case, I think they needed to look further.

I will be facing my step-dad ASAP and will contact the motor vehicle
dept if he is stubborn.

Per philo:
My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

"Denial: not just a river in Egypt"....

I would look for some sort of back door into the DMV that would result
in his receiving a notification that he needs to take a driver's test.
--
Pete Cresswell

Per (PeteCresswell):
I would look for some sort of back door into the DMV that would result
in his receiving a notification that he needs to take a driver's test.

I should add that we did this successfully with my mom.

It was win-win in a sense: dad's eyesight had failed and he was forcing
her to drive even she knew how impaired she was. She didn't want to
drive and then, unable to pass the test, was relieved.
--
Pete Cresswell

On 05/24/2015 07:30 PM, (PeteCresswell) wrote:
Per (PeteCresswell):
I would look for some sort of back door into the DMV that would result
in his receiving a notification that he needs to take a driver's test.

I should add that we did this successfully with my mom.

It was win-win in a sense: dad's eyesight had failed and he was forcing
her to drive even she knew how impaired she was. She didn't want to
drive and then, unable to pass the test, was relieved.



Thanks for the info, it may soon came to that.


Just hard to watch someone decline.

In ,
philo belched:
Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH
in a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a
ticket.
What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the
matter.

Talk to his doctor

On 05/24/2015 07:57 PM, ChairMan wrote:
In ,
philo belched:
Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH
in a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a
ticket.
What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the
matter.

Talk to his doctor





Will do so if necessary...I have been doing more research into this and
it seems that a doctor is not legally bound to contact the DMV

On Sun, 24 May 2015 20:42:06 -0500, philo wrote:

Will do so if necessary...I have been doing more research into this and
it seems that a doctor is not legally bound to contact the DMV

I doubt the doctor can disclose a medical condition to you, without a
signed consent form from the patient / guardian consent. I have to
tell my doctors to give information to the other doctor.

On 5/24/2015 9:42 PM, philo wrote:

Talk to his doctor





Will do so if necessary...I have been doing more research into this and
it seems that a doctor is not legally bound to contact the DMV


But maybe he will tell dad that he should not be driving. That may be
enough.

Ed Pawlowski wrote:
On 5/24/2015 9:42 PM, philo wrote:

Talk to his doctor





Will do so if necessary...I have been doing more research
into this
and it seems that a doctor is not legally bound to
contact the DMV


But maybe he will tell dad that he should not be driving.
That may be
enough.

Exactly, it's surprising what Dr's can do. I have several
freinds that have had to deal with the same issue. Worried
about how to take the keys from Dad and not be the bad guy.
Doctors deal with this all the time and have no problem
being the "bad guy"

On 5/24/2015 11:08 PM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
On 5/24/2015 9:42 PM, philo wrote:

Talk to his doctor





Will do so if necessary...I have been doing more research into this and
it seems that a doctor is not legally bound to contact the DMV


But maybe he will tell dad that he should not be driving. That may be
enough.

In Illinois police or just about anyone can file request with the
Secretary of State (our DMV) to have a physically impaired driver
brought in for a retest.

In my late father's -who was physically impaired in his late 80's - case
what worked was my sister-in-law, a nurse, explaining that his
impairment (nerve damage to leg affecting his ability to react quickly)
could cause an accident that could cause horrendous
injuries/consequences to an INNOCENT family.

That did it. He voluntarily hung up the car keys and it was not an
issue. Before that, it was "oh, I can drive, I just have to be careful
and go a bit slower because it takes longer for me to switch from the
accelerator to the brake.

In his case, the mind was still clear and functioning like a 55-60 year
old. YMMV

On 05/25/2015 06:21 AM, Unquestionably Confused wrote:
On 5/24/2015 11:08 PM, Ed Pawlowski wrote:
On 5/24/2015 9:42 PM, philo wrote:

Talk to his doctor





Will do so if necessary...I have been doing more research into this and
it seems that a doctor is not legally bound to contact the DMV


But maybe he will tell dad that he should not be driving. That may be
enough.

In Illinois police or just about anyone can file request with the
Secretary of State (our DMV) to have a physically impaired driver
brought in for a retest.

In my late father's -who was physically impaired in his late 80's - case
what worked was my sister-in-law, a nurse, explaining that his
impairment (nerve damage to leg affecting his ability to react quickly)
could cause an accident that could cause horrendous
injuries/consequences to an INNOCENT family.

Yep, that is exactly what I will have to get across no matter how difficult.


That did it. He voluntarily hung up the car keys and it was not an
issue. Before that, it was "oh, I can drive, I just have to be careful
and go a bit slower because it takes longer for me to switch from the
accelerator to the brake.

In his case, the mind was still clear and functioning like a 55-60 year
old. YMMV

On 24 May 2015, philo wrote in alt.home.repair:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning
stages of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket
and was totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked
at 109 MPH in a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I
got, it was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued
a ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the
matter.

My Dad developed severe vision problems in his late '70s as
complications of his diabetes. I only found out much later that he was
getting in more and more fender benders and had received several
tickets. Eventually his license came up for renewal but he failed the
vision test and so lost his license. I was unaware of all of this until
after the fact, otherwise I would have tried to intervene somehow.
Thank God that he didn't injure himself or someone else. I think his
fear of losing his independence overrode his good judgment.

I don't have any real advice for you, sorry. I think the situation
evolves slowly enough that the victim doesn't see a clear indication
that enough is enough. Pride keeps them going. A wakeup call is needed,
one that doesn't involve injury, loss of life, or great property loss.
It would be a tough conversation to have. I hope I have enough self-
awareness to know if to retire myself as a driver.

On 05/24/2015 08:02 PM, Nil wrote:
On 24 May 2015, philo wrote in alt.home.repair:

Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning
stages of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket
and was totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked
at 109 MPH in a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I
got, it was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued
a ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the
matter.

My Dad developed severe vision problems in his late '70s as
complications of his diabetes. I only found out much later that he was
getting in more and more fender benders and had received several
tickets. Eventually his license came up for renewal but he failed the
vision test and so lost his license. I was unaware of all of this until
after the fact, otherwise I would have tried to intervene somehow.
Thank God that he didn't injure himself or someone else. I think his
fear of losing his independence overrode his good judgment.

I don't have any real advice for you, sorry. I think the situation
evolves slowly enough that the victim doesn't see a clear indication
that enough is enough. Pride keeps them going. A wakeup call is needed,
one that doesn't involve injury, loss of life, or great property loss.
It would be a tough conversation to have. I hope I have enough self-
awareness to know if to retire myself as a driver.





This was certainly my wake up call and I am now prepared to deal with
it...getting in the right frame of mind was the difficult part.


As to diabetes...my wife was starting to have problem with her vision
and it turned out to be Type 2 Diabetes which she now has under control
thanks to diet and exercise...vision is now fine.

An astute nurse picked up signs her doctor missed.


Needless to say she no longer sees that doctor.

On 5/24/2015 7:34 PM, philo wrote:
Maybe someone here can help me get serious advice.

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.

What can I do ? My mother is in total denial that anything is the matter.

Same problem with my father but I think he was concerned being elderly
they might pull his license when he bumped someone but did not get a
ticket. He was of relatively sound mind but old.

Major stroke at home is what took him off the road but that also put him
in the nursing home.

I've seen it with other seniors and think police had their licenses
pulled in a minor accident where they showed major signs of senility.

Unfortunately it can take a precipitating incident. Hope they do not
get hurt.

Philo,

You have two problems. The first is that you really do not seem to know
whether his driving abilities are slipping. Your anecdotes are very
unconvincing. So, some testing would help to decide but how will you manage
that? Could be major ego problems.
The second problem is that you'll need to come up with a transportation
plan. Someone will have to take your parents to the mall, grocery store,
golf, restaurants. et c.. While your parents shopping trips may easily be
combined with yours ( or other relatives)

Dave M.

Opps hit send too soon. Let me finish that last thought. While your parents'
shopping trips may easily be
combined with yours ( or other relatives) there will be conflicting trips.
Dad wants to get his hair cut and you have an important meeting. Your plan
must deal with such conflicts.

Dave M.

On 05/25/2015 06:58 AM, David L. Martel wrote:
Philo,

You have two problems. The first is that you really do not seem to
know whether his driving abilities are slipping. Your anecdotes are very
unconvincing. So, some testing would help to decide but how will you
manage that? Could be major ego problems.

Because this is Usenet, I hardly had the time to tell the whole story
as there have been numerous non-driving incidents that make it obvious
he is having a problem. A doctor has been examining him and has found
/some/ mental impairment. Is it Alzheimer's or possibly a very slight
stroke...I don't know...but there is a problem that needs to be addressed


The second problem is that you'll need to come up with a
transportation plan. Someone will have to take your parents to the mall,
grocery store, golf, restaurants. et c.. While your parents shopping
trips may easily be combined with yours ( or other relatives)

Dave M.


My mom can still drive him around of course, but she is older than he is
so that's only going to be a short term solution.

It looks like assisted living may be a necessity.

Philo,

While I'm sure that you will mostly receive kind advice, it should be
pointed out that this is a home repair newsgroup. I hope you are asking
elsewhere, too. My local county has a council on senior citizens as does my
State. I'd get on the phone and discuss your issues and get some advice from
the "pros". If your parents are religious then their pastor is another pro.
Family may be very important. Do you have siblings? What do they think?
Does your Step-father have children? It sounds as if your mother does not
agree with your assessment of the situation, why do you discount her
opinion?
Lots of things to be considered but you seem to be looking for answers,
which is good.

Dave M.

On 05/25/2015 10:37 AM, David L. Martel wrote:
Philo,

While I'm sure that you will mostly receive kind advice, it should be
pointed out that this is a home repair newsgroup. I hope you are asking
elsewhere, too. My local county has a council on senior citizens as does
my State. I'd get on the phone and discuss your issues and get some
advice from the "pros". If your parents are religious then their pastor
is another pro.
Family may be very important. Do you have siblings? What do they
think? Does your Step-father have children? It sounds as if your mother
does not agree with your assessment of the situation, why do you
discount her opinion?
Lots of things to be considered but you seem to be looking for
answers, which is good.

Dave M.




One reason I posted here was simply for everyone to just plain tell me
what was obviously the right thing to do...directly take action...which
I will be doing shortly

thanks

On Monday, May 25, 2015 at 9:36:17 AM UTC-4, philo wrote:
On 05/25/2015 06:58 AM, David L. Martel wrote:
Philo,

You have two problems. The first is that you really do not seem to
know whether his driving abilities are slipping. Your anecdotes are very
unconvincing. So, some testing would help to decide but how will you
manage that? Could be major ego problems.

Because this is Usenet, I hardly had the time to tell the whole story
as there have been numerous non-driving incidents that make it obvious
he is having a problem. A doctor has been examining him and has found
/some/ mental impairment. Is it Alzheimer's or possibly a very slight
stroke...I don't know...but there is a problem that needs to be addressed


The second problem is that you'll need to come up with a
transportation plan. Someone will have to take your parents to the mall,
grocery store, golf, restaurants. et c.. While your parents shopping
trips may easily be combined with yours ( or other relatives)

Dave M.


My mom can still drive him around of course, but she is older than he is
so that's only going to be a short term solution.

It looks like assisted living may be a necessity.

in pennsylvania there is access, it provides low cost transportation to the elderly or infirmed. like a downs 20 some year old who gets transit to their job.

i have a elderly friend who quit driving. it has caused him much unhappiness paying access till i pointed out his car, with insurance, gas, license, inspection etc was costing him over 2 grand a year.

so he is now happy his under a grand access cost is realling saving him money

assisted living around here is at least 4 grand per person per month...

theres home care agencies who, shop, do laundery, prepare meals etc that cost a fraction of assisted living and the people get to remain in their own home.....

On 05/25/2015 12:52 PM, bob haller wrote:


My mom can still drive him around of course, but she is older than he is
so that's only going to be a short term solution.

It looks like assisted living may be a necessity.

in pennsylvania there is access, it provides low cost transportation to the elderly or infirmed. like a downs 20 some year old who gets transit to their job.

i have a elderly friend who quit driving. it has caused him much unhappiness paying access till i pointed out his car, with insurance, gas, license, inspection etc was costing him over 2 grand a year.

so he is now happy his under a grand access cost is realling saving him money

assisted living around here is at least 4 grand per person per month...

theres home care agencies who, shop, do laundery, prepare meals etc that cost a fraction of assisted living and the people get to remain in their own home.....




Thanks for the info...and I am sure my parents would probably agree to
most anything other than assisted living. I know they have savings but
if it's as expensive as you mentioned, that is not going to be a
likelihood.

A little insight into Alzheimer's disease.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/...ood-scare.html

My step-father is in his early 80's but may be at the beginning stages
of Alzheimer's. About a year ago he got a speeding ticket and was
totally unaware that he was going too fast. He was clocked at 109 MPH in
a 65 zone...so it was pretty serious.

He insisted he was just careless and was OK to drive.

Today he got into a minor fender bender and from the details I got, it
was his fault...but the police issued no tickets.

When there is an accident I thought someone always must be issued a ticket.