wrote in message
...
Last weekend I bought myself a breast pump at a chain store that was
going out of business. It looked like something fun to own, so I
bought it. Now that the weekend is here, I just took it out the box
and am trying to use it, but I found out there are no instructions and
the business is now closed forever. I just called my mother and my
ex-wife and neither of them have ever used one. Can anyone tell me
how?


"Park's closed! Moose out front should have told you......."

, 7/9/2005, 3:17:33 AM, wrote:

Last weekend I bought myself a breast pump at a chain store that was
going out of business. It looked like something fun to own, so I
bought it. Now that the weekend is here, I just took it out the box
and am trying to use it, but I found out there are no instructions and
the business is now closed forever. I just called my mother and my
ex-wife and neither of them have ever used one. Can anyone tell me
how?

Thank You

Robert W. Jacobs

You put it up to your face and make sure you cover both your mouth and
nose. Start pumping and try to suck out all your brains with it. As a
second option you might try to use it as an artificial vagina since
there are no women in your life now.

--
No matter what happens someone will find a way to take it too seriously.

Last weekend I bought myself a breast pump at a chain store that was
going out of business. It looked like something fun to own, so I
bought it. Now that the weekend is here, I just took it out the box
and am trying to use it, but I found out there are no instructions and
the business is now closed forever. I just called my mother and my
ex-wife and neither of them have ever used one. Can anyone tell me
how?

This question is very frequently asked in this newsgroup. I am sure you can
find an answer if you Google this group's archives.

Put it on your johnson and turn it on!

"Buck Turgidson" wrote in message
news:1XWze.44610$rb6.40565@lakeread07...
Last weekend I bought myself a breast pump at a chain store that was
going out of business. It looked like something fun to own, so I
bought it. Now that the weekend is here, I just took it out the box
and am trying to use it, but I found out there are no instructions and
the business is now closed forever. I just called my mother and my
ex-wife and neither of them have ever used one. Can anyone tell me
how?

This question is very frequently asked in this newsgroup. I am sure you
can
find an answer if you Google this group's archives.

On Sat, 09 Jul 2005 02:17:33 -0500, wrote:

Last weekend I bought myself a breast pump at a chain store that was
going out of business. It looked like something fun to own, so I
bought it. Now that the weekend is here, I just took it out the box
and am trying to use it, but I found out there are no instructions and
the business is now closed forever. I just called my mother and my
ex-wife and neither of them have ever used one. Can anyone tell me
how?

Thank You

Robert W. Jacobs

Examine your breast. You should find a valve like the kind on your
car tires there somewhere. Attach the tube from pump to the valve
(technical term: schrader valve). Pump away. If you can't find the
valve, you have a factory sealed breast and are out of luck. Sell the
pump on ebay.

Just put in enough so that your cheeks start to feel a littly puffy.
That should hold you over until next month.






On Sun, 10 Jul 2005 05:17:12 -0500, wrote:

On Sat, 09 Jul 2005 22:09:47 -0400, Paul Franklin
wrote:

On Sat, 09 Jul 2005 02:17:33 -0500, wrote:

Last weekend I bought myself a breast pump at a chain store that was
going out of business. It looked like something fun to own, so I
bought it. Now that the weekend is here, I just took it out the box
and am trying to use it, but I found out there are no instructions and
the business is now closed forever. I just called my mother and my
ex-wife and neither of them have ever used one. Can anyone tell me
how?

Thank You

Robert W. Jacobs

Examine your breast. You should find a valve like the kind on your
car tires there somewhere. Attach the tube from pump to the valve
(technical term: schrader valve). Pump away. If you can't find the
valve, you have a factory sealed breast and are out of luck. Sell the
pump on ebay.


Cool, I found the valve. Now how many pounds should I put in. I dont
want an explosion.

Hook it up to your asshole and pull your head out of your ass.

Tom

wrote in message
...
Last weekend I bought myself a breast pump at a chain store that was
going out of business. It looked like something fun to own, so I
bought it. Now that the weekend is here, I just took it out the box
and am trying to use it, but I found out there are no instructions and
the business is now closed forever. I just called my mother and my
ex-wife and neither of them have ever used one. Can anyone tell me
how?

Thank You

Robert W. Jacobs