On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 10:21:25 GMT, "dalecue"
wrote:

Dan wrote in message ...


--

Let's adopt the following two amendments to the U.S. Constitution:

"The Congress shall have the power to declare war, and this time we
really do mean it."

"No person shall be denied life, liberty, or
property without due process of law, and this time we really do mean
it."

Blatantly copied from someone more clever than I

25 Rules For Being A Good Republican

The Hypocritic Oath
June 12, 2001
It's The Pitts By Lee Pitts
I swear an oath on my honor as a hypocrite that...
I will cuss cows but eat beef, blast miners but wear jewelry and drive
a car but condemn oil companies. I don't want trees cut for any
purpose other than to provide the lumber for my next house. As a
Hollywood celebrity I assert my God given right to sire at least four
children by three different wives and then protest about
overpopulation in the world.

I will put fish first by saving the sucker and salmon, but not the
farmers and ranchers who feed me. I demand that politicians and
federal judges in Washington save all endangered species, except the
small business man. I feel government is imminently qualified to
micro- manage nature, after all, look what a smashing job they've done
with the IRS, EPA, USDA, FBI, BLM and assorted other alphabet
agencies.

As a self-righteous hypocrite it is my duty to celebrate Earth Day
with barbecues and parades and by leaving tons of trash behind. I
demand that feedlots and farms stop polluting our ground water. That
privilege should be preserved for me every time I flush the contents
of my toilet into a septic tank or the ocean.

I want to relocate grizzly bears and wolves to the West but not in my
big-city backyard. After all, people live here! I give my permission
for mountains lions to eat lambs but if a lion eats my dog or cat I
demand the abominable beast be shot on sight.

I will cuss oil companies on talk radio and stand in the way of their
drilling more wells while sitting in my gas guzzling SUV with the
engine running. I will write letters to the editor on my computer
castigating utility companies for not providing enough electricity. At
the same time I will send money to green groups who want to tear down
hydroelectric dams and stand in the way of any new power producing
projects.

I avow at the next cocktail party I attend while smoking a cigarette
and sipping a martini that I will sue the tobacco companies for
causing my lung cancer.

Although I have never personally milked a cow or grown vegetables in a
garden I demand to have a say on how farmers and ranchers do it. As a
pompous hypocrite I demand that water, herbicides, and pesticides be
taken away from farmers immediately, but I don't want it to affect the
price, quantity or quality of the food I buy in the store. It is my
strongly held conviction that we should ban all pesticides, except the
can of bug spray I use to kill ants and other unwanted bugs in my
home.

As a mealy-mouthed hypocrite I vow to help stop global warming by
watching the Discovery Channel on my giant sized television in my
air-conditioned house.

I assert that cattle pooping on our nation's grasslands is a national
disgrace while fertilizing my urban lawn with steer manure and urea is
simply good ecology. I will complain about fertilizer runoff from
farms but not from golf courses because I happen to be a golfer.

I will hound hunters in the woods because they use guns despite the
fact that hunting groups have increased habitat and wildlife numbers.
I demand that the government end all timber cutting or recovery in our
national forests but I'll cry like a singed coyote if the feds allow
wildfires to burn near my house.

As a card-carrying hypocrite I disavow the use of fur, leather, wool
and all animal by-products, except the ones used in medicine that
might save my life. I demand labels be placed on all food products but
not on a rock album that endorses killing cops.

Finally, as an arrogant and self-serving hypocrite I firmly believe
that rural folks have done a terrible job of taking care of the
countryside and they must do a better job because that's where I want
to live or visit someday when I can escape the pollution, crime, and
insanity of the barren big city in which I currently reside.


" ..The world has gone crazy. Guess I'm showing my age...
I think it dates from when we started looking at virtues
as funny. It's embarrassing to speak of honor, integrity,
bravery, patriotism, 'doing the right thing', charity,
fairness. You have Seinfeld making cowardice an acceptable
choice; our politicians changing positions of honor with
every poll; we laugh at servicemen and patriotic fervor; we
accept corruption in our police and bias in our judges; we
kill our children, and wonder why they have no respect for
Life. We deny children their childhood and innocence- and
then we denigrate being a Man, as opposed to a 'person'. We
*assume* that anyone with a weapon will use it against his
fellowman- if only he has the chance. Nah; in our agitation
to keep the State out of the church business, we've
destroyed our value system and replaced it with *nothing*.
Turns my stomach- " Chas , rec.knives